D&D – 5 things you don’t want to hear from you players

Another little collection of D&D humour from the dark ages.

  1. A ranger who is wearing plate mail in a misty, echoing chamber: “I try to move silently…”
  2. An apprentice to a mage: “By the way master, I finally shot that pesky owl that kept following you around
  3. A party is fighting a band of thieves in a 4x3x4m room, when the mage says with a serious tone: “Hell, I’ll cast a fireball, THAT’LL teach ’em…”
  4. A party laying on a hillside spying on the Imperial Army of Darkness commanded by Gul the Necromancer himself (+/- 10,000 troops): “Hmmm, if we attack from the rear, do we get bonuses on our attack roll?”
  5. A paladin is the lone survivor of a party of seven is facing an army of evil and undead creatures which just slaughtered his fellow adventurers: “Huh, why should I run? I’ve got protection from evil in a 15ft radius, THEY can’t touch me…” (last words)
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